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(no subject) [Apr. 3rd, 2005|11:44 am]
thought you'd like this one tim....

Take the quiz: "What kind of eyes do you have? (with pictures)"

You have moonlight eyes. Moonlight is the color of mystery. Your eyes symbolize your ability to see yourself as others see you. You have finesse for letting other people know what you think. You have a soothing and calming ability that you may or may not know about. You have the awesome ability to draw a person's negative energy out and replace it with a positive energy; the world needs more people like you. Some words to describe you: patient, self-controlled, perseverance, insightful, reflective, understanding, serene, and caring.
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Not myself [Mar. 5th, 2005|09:12 pm]
[mood |contemplativecontemplative]

I don't know what has been wrong with me this week but I haven't been myself. I've been thinking a lot about everything possible and it's driving me crazy because I've made myself so confused on some issues that I'm second guessing how I feel about certain people. I think because I've been thinking a lot that may be why I'm not myself. The main topics I'm second guessing myself on I can't even write about or talk to anyone about and it's driving me crazy. I just wish I could go with the what I'm thinking and feeling at the exact moment and do what I feel without consequences. Or just act on how I feel at that moment without thinking first what might happen later because that is what's killing me. So many times within the past week I've wanted to act on my emotions more then you could imagine but I've thought about what may happen afterwards and I stop. I don't know what to do anymore. I need to just stop thinking all together. I wish that was possible. I wish acting on what I felt was possible. I wish acting on what I felt without anybody knowing what happened was possible. Theres just too many things. I wish I could tell people what I feel without getting tongue tied. I wish I could say what I felt when I feel it without getting tongue tied. It all comes down to getting tongue tied or thinking about the results. Then theres always the "What if" factor. What if I said that? What if I told him? What if I acted on that? What if? If I had one wish right now I'd wish to be able to act out and say what I feel when I feel it without any negative or no reprecussions at all. To just have one moment in time where I could do one thing without anyone finding out and it just happens and for once everything is alright and the way it was meant to be and I'm ok with that, for once. God, to just do that. I can't even imagine myself acting on my emotions. It would definitely be a change. I feel better. Even though the actual "issue" wasn't adressed, I feel better.

Ok so the musical!! It's going well I think. It's gotten a lot better and is finally starting to really some together. I'm finally really excited about it. My hoody at the moment smells like Jesse and it's driving me crazy. lol I let him wear it like thursday and I was cold so I put it on before I washed it because it needs to be washed and it smells like him. I have a feddish with guys and their cologne. I always smell little mike and Justin and sometimes will. I like when guys smell nice. It;s just nice. lol I love Austin Powers. Goldmember is on. I'm laughing sooo hard. "MOLE.. MOLEY MOLEY MOLEY. I want to chop it up and turn it into a great big dish of guacoMOLEY!" ha... LOOOOOVE IT ok well I'm gonna go I think.
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long time no type [Feb. 25th, 2005|03:27 pm]
[mood |busybusy]

Wow...look who is updating!!! ME! So I've been very busy lately with the musical and stuff. At school normally to six or seven. It's coming along? I guess. It's scary to think it's in two weeks. There is still sooo much to do. The hoe-down is ridiculous. I was thinking more hoe-downish? like in the movie but it's pretty kool. Got placed with Andrew...wtf? He's gradually getting better. I was sooo upset when I heard the dancers got to choose who they wanted first before the actualy wives...wtf? But then Brian explained stuff and he's absolutely correct. Guess I had to look at it from that perspective.
UMM... A lot has happened... all state was this past weekend. It was pretty fun. Mixed Chorus was absolutely amazing. Theres something about guys thats make a chorus just amazing. Womens did really well... I was surprised. Our music was pretty kool. I absolutely ruined my voice though because I pushed sooo much. my voice hasnt been the same since I got sick in like december. Every time it begins to come back even a little bit I push it again. I need to stop and just let it fully heal because I'm straining my voice. It worries me.
I've decided I like the whole secret "relationship" thing. If you can even call it that. I love how hardly no one knows that we like each other. The fact that it's not being made a big deal is what intrigues me. lol. How it's not the topic of everyones daily gossip. It's just peaceful because the whole justin/william/andrew thing spread like wildfire and it put more pressure on me. The fact that I can do what feels right makes it soo much easier. I really like him too. William yesterday was like I hope you two go out, he's like the only guy you've liked that I really like for you and for some reason that made me feel sooo much better. No matter how much I try to not care what he thinks... It does really matter to me. He's like my best guy friend other then Kevin. I adore Kevin.I'm so glad we've gotten closer again this year.
Anyway, theres been so much drama. You gotta love Beyers. Well I do. He genuinely cares and I love it. We had a nice little talk on wednesday about some stuff. It was nice.
Ok I'm gonna go shower I think. Love you guys!!
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(no subject) [Feb. 22nd, 2005|10:13 pm]
[mood |chipperchipper]

this just totally made my year!!!

x Be My Light x (9:41:11 PM): so who is the girl right now...whats her name?
******(9:41:27 PM): lol
******(9:41:36 PM): sarah
******(9:41:42 PM): heagy
x Be My Light x (9:41:45 PM): eeww
******(9:41:48 PM): lol jpin
x Be My Light x (9:41:50 PM): thats just gross
x Be My Light x (9:41:51 PM): lol
x Be My Light x (9:41:59 PM): and I'd have to kill you
x Be My Light x (9:42:00 PM): lol
******(9:42:17 PM): so wut do you think bout us
x Be My Light x (9:42:34 PM): you and sarah?
x Be My Light x (9:42:40 PM): I told you
******(9:46:11 PM): no me n u
x Be My Light x (9:46:38 PM): what do you mean
******(9:47:34 PM): could u ever c us 2gether
x Be My Light x (9:48:02 PM): this is so weird
x Be My Light x (9:48:03 PM): lol
x Be My Light x (9:48:30 PM): i'm not used to the whole guy thing
x Be My Light x (9:48:31 PM): lol
x Be My Light x (9:48:46 PM): i'm still naive about it all
x Be My Light x (9:48:46 PM): lol
******(9:48:47 PM): gotcha lol
x Be My Light x (9:49:24 PM): I could actually
x Be My Light x (9:49:36 PM): sarah goes...aww you two would be sooo cute

how absolutely adorable is that...
 Lauren happel goes... he came out and said that? lol... ahh.. my day has brightened so much!! Today pretty much sucked up until that point... so thank you!!
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wow... Update!! [Feb. 15th, 2005|06:35 pm]
[mood |indescribableindescribable]

So...long time no write. Life's been hactic, crazy, annoying. I'm going nuts. I'm sick... I have no middle-range I crack when I try, it's ridiculous. I just pray I get it all back before friday. All State nucka. I'm excited. Should probably learn the music better though. Things with Justin have been rough. We had an awesome time saturday night at the dance. I absolutely adored being that close with him. It was so comforting and calming to have him there. I've never felt that with anyone. Possibly because I've never let myself get close to anyone physically like that.(not like that sickos lol) I'm so defensive. I dont let anyone get close to me. It's horrible. I dont know... it's drivin me nuts because I have a dating thing issue. I'm scared. Ugh long story... whatever. i'm done with this... gonna do all state stuff now!
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(no subject) [Jan. 12th, 2005|01:39 pm]
[mood |overwhelmed]

SOOO.... life in the past week has totally been absolutely horrible. I have gotten yelled at more times then you could imagine, felt horrible about things I've done or, haven't done in that matter, and cried more times then I can count. Last night was one of the worst nights I've honestly had and really... I don't know why. I got so upset over something I can't control and literally cried for over an hour straight. I guess you don't realize things when they're happening. They fly by so fast and you just don't catch it all. But here's what happened.
So last night I was talking to William online and for like an hour everything was ok I guess. Except for a gift incident which I had appologized for numerous times and I felt badly for not being appreciative and everything. But like we talked and it started when he was reading my xanga and I was like stop reading that and I was just like annoyed I guess? And he goes what's your problem? And I was like nothing. And he goes... maybe I should take Meghan's advice and just give up and he like wrote all this stuff about why and how he does all this stuff to make me like him and he gets no reponse and all this stuff. And I was so confused and just like shocked about where it came from and I was driving myself crazy with like what I was supposed to do. And I kept asking him "what do you want me to do" "How am I supposed answer this?" and I seriously cried for the hour we were talking I guess because I knew he was upset and that made me upset. But I kept just couldn't stand that it was me who was making him upset and no matter how many times william or justin said it's not you, it was me.
I'll post the convo cause there were so many things I dont remember and I'm sure none of this maks sence. Justin the like mediator..lol...thats funny. Anyway like I keot saying to him I dont know what to do and I dont know how to stop crying cause I was crying so hard and he was like " just stop, tell yourself it's not you, look in the mirror. Look at what your doing over something you have no control over" And i keep thinking about that. ok. I'll write more later.

That's all Kids!
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(no subject) [Jan. 1st, 2005|08:27 pm]
[mood |lonelylonely]

Ok so this past year has been awesome. The Highlights and Downlights(if thats a word) of my year!

- Making Junior All State!Having the time of my life there.Loved everything about it!

-Making Senior All State!! WOW!! what an accomplishement must I say!

-Talking to more people and meeting more people aka Lauren, Justin, Joe, Melissa, Jesse, Donnie, Meghan!

-Talking more to old friends whom I never really got to know. Tom, William

-All the awesome times with Raychel and Sarah!! I love those girls!

- Making GE!! God I love this group!!

-All the wonderful chances I've been given with singing groups and solos. Who'da thunk it?

-Missing Courtney and Amanda ooo so much!!

- Being the only NON SENIOR to get called back for Narrator!! WOW!! Congrats Meghan and Briana!! You guys are gonna do awesome!

-Witnessing two wonderful musicians make All Eastern!! How awesome?

-Being Sick for our last GE christmas performance and in turn getting most of GE sick in any way!! Sorry bout that guys!!

-Listening to Deanna talk about her boyfriend and thinking, wow I want a guy like that.

-My first Fiesta-Val trip. Awesome at times. But for the most part... absolute HELL!! This year will be much better!

-Wonderful pep talks with Lauren Happel!!

-CARLA TAITE!! Thats all I have to say about that one! lol

-Joe and ET!! WOW!! lol

uummm thats all I think? It's ben an awesome year!! This year will be much better though!!
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Wow!! [Dec. 29th, 2004|02:08 pm]
[mood |contemplativecontemplative]

So I'm over my cousins and decided to update!! We really wanna go do something but ummm... we're not. Shopping would be fun! I need dress shoes! We're gonna sort through her clothes make that a trip! I have been feeling really like.... lonely? Like every once and a while I get like this, especially on breaks from school. Like for a week or so I feel the need to have like a boyfriend. I dont know it's weird. I need to meet new people. Theres no guys I'm attracted to at school. I need to transfer schools just to meet guys. Deanna my other cousin was talkin bout her boyfriend and how good he is to her and all these things and just how awesome he is. I was like wow, I want to find a guy!!! Like I have a few little crushes. But no major ones. I need a major crush. Enough about that! Christmas was awesome!!! I looove my family to death! I realized that this year. Like no ones family is quite like mine. They're wild and loud and crazy and I'd have them no other way! I loooove them to pieces! GE is finally on a break! After 16 winter shows. We are finished all of them!! Thank good ness. Now I can just concentrate on school which I need to do! Especially english and geometry! I am not taking 2 maths in one semester EVER again! I was talkin to Jesse a while ago about how I feel loike I've done sooo much this year and feel like I should be farther along in high school then just 2 years. Like already I've made All State twice which is awesome and I'm soo excited, I've performed soo much and I absolutely adore. I've gotten crazy amounts of solos which I would have never expected and I got a call back for the lead role in Joeseph. ME, a sophmore called back along with 3 seniors!! THATS CARAAAAZY!! Things are just happening really fast!!! I'm excited about the years to come now!!! OK gonna go root through rissa's clothes!! Bye y'all!
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Call Backs [Dec. 10th, 2004|05:36 pm]
[mood |accomplishedaccomplished]

Ok so call backs were today. Did pretty well. Not really getting my hopes up about everything. Forone I'm a sophmore I still have 2 years in order to get one lead. Second, I was the only non-senior called back. I'm up against 3 seniors who are amazing so it'll be a hard choice between them. ooo I made All State I dunno if I wrote this already but I was excited!! ok gonna go.. bye love yas
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Joeseph! [Dec. 9th, 2004|06:44 pm]
[mood |ecstaticecstatic]

Call back for Joeseph BIA!!! Narator here I come... hopefully.. lol!! We'll see what happens. I'm just excited for this play no matter what!
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